


Upon A Burning Pyre

by heretherebemonsters



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Coping, Guilt, Hurt, M/M, Survivor Guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-14
Updated: 2015-09-14
Packaged: 2018-04-20 17:37:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4796315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heretherebemonsters/pseuds/heretherebemonsters
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi will always stand at Erwin's side.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Upon A Burning Pyre

Cleaning up the aftermath of an expedition was always hard. Levi hated it. There were always so many death certificates to write out and deliver to families, stacks of them or so it seemed. He refused to let that burden fall solely on Erwin and he would always wordlessly take half of them and either disappear back to his own office with them or settle in on the couch in Erwin’s office to begin work on them, the only sound between the two of them the scratching of their quills.

Delivering the certificates was even worse. Levi had hand-delivered more than a few by this point in his military career and never found the task to ever become any easier. One never knew what to expect from the parents or siblings or spouses of the deceased; sometimes there was only blank stares and uncomprehending nods, other times instant tears that quickly turned into wailing sobs that could be heard several streets away. Sometimes there was anger, loved ones lashing out at the nearest and most convenient target, the messenger. Levi could understand the varied reactions; he knew that different people processed life-changing news in different ways, compartmentalized their grief in any number of ways. But nothing made him turn away in disgust faster than the anger. The simple fact was that soldiers in the Corps died and no one could prevent it or predict it. Everyone who signed up to wear the Wings of Freedom on their shoulders knew exactly what could happen. They well knew that one day they may not make it home. Still, they rode out willingly if not fearlessly, to meet whatever fate may await them. Levi had no reason to pity the dead.

This knowledge was a poor balm for raw wounds that only opened further every time the pyres were lit and he stood at Erwin’s side silently, watching the flames lick and curl around the wood to slowly consume the remnants of flesh that had been brought back with them from beyond the walls, wrapped in plain white linen. The only sound in the large courtyard was the crackling of the fires as row upon row of grim-faced soldiers stood stiffly at attention, holding crisp salutes to pay homage to fallen comrades. Occasionally there would be a small sniffle and Levi knew that if he looked out over the gathered troops there would be several with tears streaming unchecked down their faces as they said goodbye to an old friend. Levi never looked though; his dark eyes remained fixed forward on the dancing flames.

After an appropriate amount of time had passed, Erwin would raise a hand and dismiss the ranks. The soldiers would solemnly leave the courtyard in silent orderly lines and Levi would listen to their boots against the cobblestones until the sound had faded. The officers drifted away one by one after that until it was only Levi and Erwin left. Erwin always stayed until the very end, refusing to leave until the last bit of the pyres had been reduced to ash. Levi had seen the commander stand there for hours, not moving more than an inch, resolutely seeing his fallen soldiers off into the next life. And Levi had no doubt, berating himself silently the entire time for sending them to their deaths in the first place. Because that was the sort of man Erwin was, always quick to shoulder the blame.

Levi wasn’t sure when he’d begun staying with Erwin on those long evenings while the pyres burned but it now felt that it had always been so and he couldn’t easily recall a time when he had not. They stood side by side in what could only be called companionable silence as the day’s light faded and the sky grew dark. Levi would take note of the stars appearing as night deepened, spangling the sky with a million tiny pinpoints of light, silver across midnight blue. He still recalled with an almost startling clarity the first time he had looked up at the night sky after leaving the Underground and had felt a distinct sense of awe. He wondered idly how the world could hold such beauty and such ugliness at the same time.

He and Erwin never spoke about the long hours shared at one another’s sides at the burning pyres but Levi knew that on some level Erwin was grateful for his captain’s presence. Whether it was comforting or steadying or a simple reminder that he wasn’t alone in this venture to liberate humanity, Levi didn’t know and he figured it wasn’t all that important. Being there was a simple thing for him. After all, he had pledged his heart a long time ago to Erwin’s cause and to Erwin himself. He had unhesitatingly followed Erwin’s commands and plunged into absolute hell time and time again at the man’s beck and call. That loyalty didn’t end when the expedition drew to a close. That loyalty extended well beyond into the realm of the sad and slow cleanup that was inevitable afterwards. Levi would never abandon Erwin to such tasks on his own and so he understood why Erwin remained at the pyres long after everyone else had left.

There was one other thing they never talked about. But Levi knew that somewhere along the way an unspoken pact had formed between them and he knew that if he should die, Erwin would be there to see him off until the very last ember had faded. He would do the same if the tables were turned. If ever either of them should stand alone and solitary before the burning pyre, it would be because the other was atop it.


End file.
